Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Sext me about skeletons
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
