yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
