You made me cry and you don't even care
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
