Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
4 words: hood of his car
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
