My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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