I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize