What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize