this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
