my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
