By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
