Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
