so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
