i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
