I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
