Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Can't talk, ducks in the car
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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