How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
