What a fucking waste of an outfit
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
