Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize