Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
