I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
