Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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