mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
