Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
