im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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