what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize