try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She even gives head with a lisp.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
