hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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