is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
