i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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