Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
