Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
