nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
