is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
