By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
FUCK WHALES
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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