he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I have tasted many bathrooms
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
