Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
