I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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