she kept yelling 'call me bella'
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
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