try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
