I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
