I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
