Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
