I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
