He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
