swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
