oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
