It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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