1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
