This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i think we sleep fucked last night...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
