i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
