Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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