Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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