how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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