my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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