There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
