God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
