i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
