I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize