I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
