wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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