can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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