you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
