your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I will be naked everywhere
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
