Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
