I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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