Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
