If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
