He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
