Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
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