Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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