she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
How external is "for external use only"?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
That accounts for only three of the penises
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
