You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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