well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
